get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
