My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
