i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sarcasm needs its own font
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
