Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I faked an abortion last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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