So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
