Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
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you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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