??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
