I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
