my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
