My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
