he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
