I heard we made out
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
