I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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