I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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