my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
