Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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