she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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