So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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