i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
