Do you still have your period?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
