you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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