I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
