she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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