At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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