Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I cockslap morals
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
