i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
