Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
