I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
