either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
