I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
