the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
