Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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