He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
this hospital has no fireball
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
