can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
