I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
