3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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