True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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