Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
