The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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