I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
