but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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