My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
