I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
