we have officially lost it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
