apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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