That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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