youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
