Swine flu. Run for my life!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
