turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
