I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
