i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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