Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
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sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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