I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
