Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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