Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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