It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
