Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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