i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
try to milk me bitch
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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