Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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