it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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