I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My balls are so social today.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
