My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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