pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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